I've been doing a lot of knitting lately, and consequently, a lot of thinking. I find that when my hands are engaged in an activity like knitting, it becomes such a natural movement that it is almost subconscious. This allows my mind to wander to many topics, but most often the thing that is always there, waiting to bubble to the surface once again: THE FUTURE. Specifically, MY FUTURE. Saying a word like this is BIG and SCARY, like my entire life might somehow be determined in a split-second decision. I have to stop and remind myself that all I need to be concerned with now is the next step God has for me. Not my entire life.
During the past month and a half that I have been home, I've had much time to reflect on my experience in Costa Rica as well as my four-year college education. Part of the reason this time in my life is so nerve-wracking and unknown is because it's the first time I have ever not had a plan for what is next. In high school I knew I was going to college, and after college I had been accepted into the YWAM program. Now I have so many choices before me: what to do, where to live, what kind of job to take, how to support myself, etc. But the most important lesson I learned in Costa Rica is to let go and let God. As much as I try to have a plan and control every step of my life, it's not going to work out perfectly the way I want it to. God knows the plan he has for me, and it is a good plan with hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). I have to trust in Him to provide opportunities for me where I can use the talents He's given me.
A knitter develops a very special relationship with the piece that she's knitting, because at some point every bit of the yarn must pass through her fingers to become part of the finished project. She also must pay close attention to each stitch to make sure it follows the pattern correctly to produce the desired design or shape. Therefore, when the project is complete, it gives her a sense of pride and joy to know that each individual stitch has come together beautifully to create this wonderful, soft scarf or hat that someone can wear and enjoy. I imagine God as a knitter, creating us stitch by stitch, a tedious and detailed work. He knows exactly each stitch that goes into us, making each of us the correct design for his purpose for us. Psalm 139:13 says "For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made..." When God sees us doing what he designed us for, He feels a sense of pride and joy in us.
Right now I am researching endless possibilities: full-time jobs, part-time jobs, mission opportunities, more education. I want to knock on many doors so that when the right one opens, I will know it and be prepared to walk across the threshold into a new beginning. Maybe finding where I'm supposed to be will take several tries, but I know that the experiences along the way will shape my character. I know that my passion is to work with victims of human trafficking, specifically in Latin America. I don't know how I'll get there, but I know it will happen eventually. Because God is continuing to stitch parts of my life together, with needle and yarn. And I will continue to let him shape me as I discover where I'm going next.